SUNDAY #67 – Carousel

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Life, you bastard.

You’re just a carousel; a dodgy, really bloody beautiful, alluring carousel.

Those phony ponies with the swirly golden poles running through them are fooling no-one. Nothing that sturdy and glittery can be trusted.

I promise I haven’t gone mad, I genuinely just spent a lot of time on a carousel at a family wedding this week, and it’s left my head in a spin. Well, that, and the obscene amount of vodka I consumed at my friend’s birthday celebrations last night.

I feel like I’m going round and round in circles. It’s not always a bad thing. I mean, it’s great when you’re wearing your finest, sitting side-by-side with your sisters, and laughing like school kids going round on an actual carousel. I can’t knock that.

It’s just not so great when you keep waking up on a Sunday feeling the same sense of…unease. I blame it largely on the booze, but it’s something else. The merry-go-round of memories spins uneasily before my eyes, and it’s all a bit selfish and torturous.

I mean, are you funny, or are you just a joke?

Does it really matter?

Did you really just spend 200 words trying to figure that out?

Did you honestly post that on the internet?

Do you think that’s going to help soothe your feeling of ‘unease’?

And why are you still drinking? That’s not going to help, even if it is a ‘hair of the dog’.

Have you learned anything in the last few minutes? You’re so juvenile.

I mean, it’s almost like you still rely on Blink 182 to get you out of minor emotional turmoil?

And is it true you fancied Tom Delonge more than any man on earth when you were 16?

Jeez…no wonder you still feel ‘uneasy’.

STOP IT. STOP IT NOW. Go back to bed. Chances are, you’ll be fine tomorrow.

(And you bloody love carousels anyway, why are you whinging?)

SUNDAY # 66 – Affection

FKAAAA

Oh guys, I’ve really let myself down.

I’ve failed to effectively enforce my personal “write a blog by the end of every Sunday” deadline, and I’m sure you’re all extremely disappointed in me (especially you, Mum).

Naturally, I want to apologise; but it’s hard to be genuine when the reason I’ve been skipping blogs is because I’ve been bombing about all over the place. In the last two weeks I’ve been to Village Green Festival, performed in two improvised comedy shows, been on the radio, and of course; I’ve been drunk, drunk, drunkety drunk.

Oh, and I got a haircut and attended a Craig Charles DJ set (thanks for that one, Rachel).

Being busy isn’t the only reason I’ve failed to deliver such sterling (lol) original (lol) content in the last 14 days. Last Sunday, I woke up and frankly; I wanted to stay in bed, feasting on those vile 9p packs of curried noodles, and then go on a spontaneous road trip to Brighton to see my friend perform his stand up routine.

Sometimes, it’s okay to hit the pause button and steal a few hours of the day for nothing but staring at walls and slurping noodles.

As with everything in my life, these “few hours” had a soundtrack. It was mainly just this, on repeat. Have a listen and let it put you in a bitter sweet, sultry trance…

SUNDAY #60 – All I Ever Wanted

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I shouldn’t be spending time trying to write something interesting for this blog. I should be shopping online for holiday clothes and preparing myself for another week of work…but that’s nowhere near as satisfying as watching snapchat videos of my friends tearing up the dance floor.

Shout out to Rachel for turning up at my house at 10:30am with 8 hash browns and a desire to wallow in mutual hung-over shame, and shout out to Tom, aka the greatest dancer I have ever known.

That genuinely is all I have to say. So…

 

 

SUNDAY #25 – Loneliness

‘Don’t let me leave like this Murph…’

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I just spent the last 20 minutes writing an embarrassing blog about being cripplingly hung-over/anxious/lonely – when a knock at the door brought me some unexpected, but desperately needed company. Thank God I knock about with people who are just as cranky as I am.

Also: here’s some Jeff Buckley, because the anxiety is so real today.